12:35 p.m.,
May. 15, 2003
Dear Suburban Chicago teenagers:
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the destruction and violence you've been inflicting on others as of late.
This letter is for those of you who threw multiple-day, crime-ridden parties in Hinsdale and Wheaton, as well as the girls of Glenbrook North.
I will forever cite your recent behavior as why the suburbs are the breeding ground of evil.
I will also use your sociopathic behavior to explain to various relatives that maybe it's okay to buy a home in the city because even rich suburban kids can turn out to be hoodlums.
I appreciate the evidence.
Thanks again!
Stevie
PS - I hope y'all are prosecuted to the fullest extent.